The Best Arrested Development Jokes

So now we know: May 26th is the date Arrested Development returns to our lives in the form of NEW EPISODES. It’s a day I’ve been dreaming of for seven years now. You know, I feel like for as much as I love and talk about and quote Arrested Development in my “real life,” I do a good job of containing my enthusiasm on the blog.

Well, I’ve spent the last two days on the couch, being super sick, and I have watched a LOT of Arrested Development in that time. In fact, I made it all the way through season one. I’m so proud!

So since I don’t feel mentally or physically capable of delivering anything else, here are my favorite Arrested Development jokes. Or at least the five that came to me first.

Beads? Bees?

from “Let ‘Em Eat Cake”

The way this episode weaves together jokes about beads, bees, GOB’s inability to tell the difference between the two, and even bears, is my favorite gag the show ever did. Even if “GOB’s not on board.”

“Say what you will about America, $13 will buy you a hell of a lot of mice.”

from “Not Without My Daughter”

The thing that sells it is George Michael’s next line: “Who said anything bad about America?”

“A million $*#-ing diamonds”

from “The One Where They Build a House”

This is another example of AD’s ability to weave a joke into the fabric of the episode, and everything about Lindsey’s diamond cream–from her incredibly enthusiastic pitch to Michael to Tobias’ disguise to Michael telling George Michael not to worry about getting Ann “all glittered up for Easter”–is perfection.

Michael’s inability to hit on women

from “Shock and Aww,” “Altar Egos,” “Burning Love,” “For British Eyes Only”

Best example: when Michael’s attempt to hit on Rita in “For British Eyes Only” somehow ends up with  her insisting she’s not a prostitute, to which he responds “then I shall let you live!” But from his ill-fated attempt to joke with the ethics teacher, to having to tell GOB his one night stand is blind after he asks “what’s wrong with her,” to his many failed attempts with Sally Sitwell, this joke never gets old.

“I don’t want to blame it all on 9/11”

from “Best Man for the GOB”

Tobias’ obliviousness is always a great source of comedy, but this particular quote just gets me every time. If it’s possible to make a 9/11 joke, this is how it’s done.

There are so many more jokes I love (looking at you, Franklin!) but I’m sick and tired and I can’t think totally straight so there you have it!

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