January Blues.

I’m having a hard time getting going this week. It’s only Wednesday, which seems impossible, because this week just won’t end.

I’m tired, I’m sick, I’m emotionally exhausted.

It’s freezing, it’s dark outside all the time, and it’s January – and January is just the worst.

I feel like the Detroit Pistons, who lost to the Bulls tonight for the 17th straight time. It’s like, yeah you put up a good fight, but… 17 times in a row? Get your shit together. Get a win every once in a while. Nobody’s expecting you to win all the time, but come on, this is getting embarrassing.

And it’s so hard to feel tired or sick because of something you have no control over.

Today, in an attempt to take control of my health and energy levels, I bought a groupon for two unlimited months of hot yoga, and I’m so excited about it, because I feel like doing hot yoga will make me feel energized. I can’t wait to be in that 105-degree room, stretching and sweating and feeling amazing.

But tonight, I’m sick, and I’m laying on the couch in my sweats, and if you asked me to go do 90 minutes of yoga, I’d laugh in your face.

Idealized Lauren goes to hot yoga every night and feels great. Real Lauren thinks about how great yoga would be, but doesn’t want to leave the apartment and drive to the studio in 10 degree weather.

I only have energy to come home, make or eat dinner (I DID make it tonight, thank you very much), and just sit on my bum and try to stretch the night out.

And on sickly nights like tonight, I take some tylenol, and drink some Gatorade (is Gatorade good for a sore throat? or am I just looking for excuses to drink a lot of it?)

I don’t know what it is that makes me feel so exhausted right now. Is it the weather? Stress at work? Weird eating habits? Too much sugar? Not enough sugar? Not enough sleep? Am I just having a hard time processing the fact that Beyonce lip-synced?

Sometimes I wonder if I need better ways of handling stress and tiredness and sadness – or if I just need to understand that these are parts of life, and you can’t always just make them go away. (in the case of the latter, can I go back to being a child, please?)

I find myself longing. Longing for spring, I think. And not necessarily just because of the physical warmth that comes with spring (although, I do look forward to that), but for a physical reminder that life is cyclical, and for an opportunity to be refreshed and re-energized.

I’m counting the days til spring.


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